You’re Not Lost. You’re in the In-Between. (And That’s Where Everything Changes)
Colour / Reading Time 6 mins Approx
There’s a phase of life nobody prepares you for — the one where the old version of you is gone, but the new one hasn’t arrived yet. It feels like wandering through fog with no map, no timeline, and no guarantee you’re heading anywhere at all. But what if you’re not lost? What if you’re standing in the exact place transformation happens?
Let’s start with the truth nobody likes: The in-between feels like failure.
Not dramatic failure.
Not cinematic collapse.
Just… disorientation.
You wake up one day and realise the life that used to fit you doesn’t anymore.
The goals feel stale.
The identity feels itchy.
The direction feels unclear.
And because humans love certainty the way cats love knocking things off tables, your brain jumps to the fastest possible explanation:
“I must be lost.”
But being lost implies you took a wrong turn.
The in-between is different. The in-between means you’ve outgrown something — but haven’t fully grown into what’s next.
It’s not a navigation problem. It’s an evolution problem.
The Psychological Horror of Not Knowing Who You Are Anymore
There’s a specific kind of existential dread that comes from identity lag.
You know who you were.
You don’t know who you’re becoming.
And the present version feels like a glitch.
Like your personality is buffering.
This is the phase where:
Your old motivations stop working.
Your previous ambitions feel irrelevant.
Your routines lose meaning.
Your energy fluctuates wildly.
You question decisions you once felt confident about.
It feels unstable.
Which is why so many people panic and rush to fill the gap with something — anything — just to restore certainty.
But here’s the twist: The in-between is not a mistake. It’s a necessary psychological corridor. And corridors are uncomfortable because they are not destinations.
Horror Movies Understand the In-Between Better Than Self-Help Books
In horror, the most dangerous moment isn’t the beginning or the end. It’s the middle.
The point where the characters realise:
Something is wrong.
The old rules don’t apply.
And there is no clear exit yet.
Take The Descent. A group of women enters a cave system expecting adventure. Instead, they find themselves trapped underground with no map, collapsing tunnels, and creatures that absolutely did not RSVP to this expedition.
The real terror isn’t the monsters.
It’s the disorientation.
The claustrophobic uncertainty.
The moment you realise the path you came in on no longer exists.
That’s the in-between.
Not knowing how you got here.
Not knowing how to leave.
Only knowing you can’t go back.
The Brain Hates Transitional Space
Your nervous system is wired for predictability.
Predictability equals safety.
Uncertainty equals threat.
So when you enter a life transition — career shift, identity evolution, emotional healing, creative reinvention — your brain interprets ambiguity as danger. Even if nothing is objectively wrong.
Which is why the in-between often comes with:
Anxiety
Restlessness
Self-doubt
Impatience
Urges to “fix” things immediately
Comparison spirals
Sudden nostalgia for lives you previously hated
Yes. You can miss something you outgrew. Humans are weird like that.
The Cocoon Is Not Comfortable (And That’s the Point)
We love the butterfly metaphor because butterflies are pretty. We ignore the cocoon stage because it’s biologically horrifying. Inside a cocoon, the caterpillar literally dissolves into goo before reforming.
That’s not inspirational.
That’s body horror.
In Annihilation — a film that is basically a metaphor for transformation through disintegration — the characters enter a mysterious zone called “The Shimmer,” where biology mutates, identities blur, and reality stops behaving normally.
Things aren’t destroyed. They’re rearranged. That’s the in-between.
Your old patterns break down.
Your beliefs shift.
Your sense of self destabilises.
Not because you’re broken.
Because you’re reorganising.
Signs You’re in the In-Between (Not Lost)
Let’s normalise this phase. You might be in the in-between if:
You feel disconnected from goals you once cared about.
You’re questioning your identity more than usual.
You feel pulled toward change but unsure what kind.
You’re restless without clear direction.
You’re simultaneously hopeful and terrified.
You crave novelty but fear instability.
You feel like you’re “waiting” for clarity.
That waiting feeling is key.
Because you are waiting. Not passively. But developmentally.
The Urge to Escape the In-Between
Here’s where people sabotage themselves. They try to exit uncertainty too fast.
They:
Jump into new commitments prematurely.
Force decisions before clarity arrives.
Recreate old patterns because they’re familiar.
Abandon growth because discomfort feels wrong.
But rushing the in-between is like trying to leave a tunnel halfway through the mountain.
You don’t get back to daylight faster.
You just get stuck in rock.
The Monster That Follows You Until You Change
In It Follows, the entity moves slowly but relentlessly toward its target.
You can delay it.
Distract it.
Temporarily outrun it.
But it keeps coming.
Life transitions are like that. The call to evolve doesn’t disappear because you ignore it.
You can postpone change. You cannot cancel it. Eventually, the discomfort returns.
Stronger.
Closer.
More impossible to ignore.
Why the In-Between Feels Lonely
Identity transitions often separate you from people who knew the old version of you. Not intentionally. But naturally.
Conversations change.
Interests shift.
Priorities evolve.
And you can feel like you don’t fully belong anywhere:
Not your old world.
Not your future one.
Just… floating.
This is normal.
Communities often form around stable identities.
When your identity is shifting, belonging temporarily destabilises too. It doesn’t mean you’re alone.
It means you’re updating.
You’re Not Behind. You’re Mid-Process.
One of the most damaging thoughts during the in-between is:
“Everyone else knows what they’re doing except me.”
They don’t.
They just look certain from the outside. Certainty is often performance. Growth is messy.
If you could see inside people’s minds during their transitions, you’d find:
Doubt
Reassessment
Fear
Experimentation
Identity questioning
The difference is timing. You’re noticing yours right now.
The Hidden Purpose of the In-Between
The in-between isn’t empty. It’s diagnostic.
It reveals:
What no longer fits
What you actually want
What drains you
What energises you
What matters now versus before
Clarity doesn’t arrive randomly. It emerges from exposure.
You have to experience misfit before you recognise alignment.
The Productivity Panic That Happens Here
During transitions, people often panic about output.
You might think:
I’m wasting time.
I should be further along.
I need a plan.
I need certainty before I act.
But transformation phases are not output-maximising phases. They’re recalibration phases. Your internal system is gathering data. That takes energy. Even if nothing visible changes.
Permission to Be Temporarily Undefined
One of the hardest parts of the in-between is letting yourself exist without a clear label.
Humans love labels.
Career titles.
Roles.
Identities.
But growth requires periods of undefined space.
You are allowed to say:
“I don’t know yet.”
That sentence is not weakness.
It’s honesty.
And honesty is the foundation of alignment.
How to Move Through the In-Between (Without Losing Your Mind)
You don’t escape this phase.
You navigate it.
Here’s how:
1. Stop Demanding Immediate Answers
Clarity is a result, not a starting point.
2. Follow Curiosity, Not Certainty
Curiosity is the earliest signal of alignment.
3. Reduce External Noise
Too many opinions delay internal recognition.
4. Experiment Small
You don’t need life-altering decisions — just directional movement.
5. Protect Your Energy
Transitions are metabolically expensive. Rest is productive here.
The Identity You’re Becoming Is Already Emerging
You may think nothing is happening. But subtle changes are occurring:
New interests forming
Old tolerances disappearing
Boundaries shifting
Desires clarifying
Values reorganising
Identity evolution is gradual.
Like dawn. You don’t see the exact moment night becomes day. But it does.
A Quiet Truth Nobody Mentions
The in-between often appears right before major personal expansion. Because growth requires destabilisation. You cannot become someone new while staying structurally identical.
Something has to loosen.
Something has to dissolve.
Something has to pause.
That pause is not regression.
It’s preparation.
A Thought to Leave You With
If you feel uncertain right now…
If you feel suspended between versions of yourself…
If you feel like life is buffering…
Consider this possibility: You’re not lost. You’re shedding coordinates that no longer apply. The map you used before cannot guide you where you’re going.
And that’s terrifying. But also? Extraordinary.
Because the in-between is where identities rewrite themselves. It’s where direction recalibrates.
It’s where your internal operating system quietly updates in the background — long before you consciously recognise the change.
So instead of asking:
“Why am I stuck?”
Try asking:
“What is changing that I can’t see yet?”
You don’t need to rush.
You don’t need to force certainty.
You don’t need to solve your entire future this week.
You only need to keep moving forward inside the fog. Because one day — often suddenly — the landscape clears. And you realise:
You were never lost.
You were becoming.
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