Rules of Engagement: Teaching the World How to Treat You

Colour / Reading Time 8 mins Approx 

Have you ever noticed how some people treat you exactly how you secretly fear you deserve to be treated? They interrupt you. Dismiss you. Take more than they give. Dump their emotional baggage on your doorstep like a cursed videotape and then act surprised when you stop answering the phone. And the really horrifying part?Sometimes… you let them.

Not because you’re weak.

Not because you’re stupid.

Because somewhere along the way, you learned that keeping the peace was more important than keeping yourself.

And once people learn they can cross your boundaries without consequence?

They don’t stop.

They redecorate.

Welcome to the haunted house you accidentally handed the keys to.

Let’s change the locks.

Why Boundaries Feel So Damn Uncomfortable

Let’s address the elephant in the room.

Or, given the theme of this blog… the demon in the basement.

Most people don’t struggle with setting boundaries because they don’t know how.

They struggle because boundaries feel selfish.

You worry:

• What if they think I’m rude?

• What if they get upset?

• What if they leave?

• What if I’m asking too much?

Meanwhile you’re perfectly happy to:

• answer messages at midnight

• apologise for having needs

• rearrange your life for people who wouldn’t rearrange their Netflix queue for you

Which is honestly… kind of wild when you say it out loud.

You know what horror movies understand better than real life?

Ignoring discomfort never makes the monster smaller.

It makes it hungry.

Every time you swallow your feelings to avoid conflict…
Every time you say yes when you mean no…
Every time you laugh off behaviour that hurts you…

you’re feeding something.

And eventually?

It eats your self-respect.

Boundaries Are Rules, Not Punishments

Some people hear “boundaries” and imagine slamming doors.
Blocking numbers.
Wearing all black and becoming the villain in someone else’s group chat.

But boundaries aren’t punishment. They’re information.

They tell people:

• This is okay.

• This isn’t.

• This works for me.

• This doesn’t.

And honestly?

Healthy people appreciate this.

Because healthy people don’t want to accidentally hurt you.

It’s unhealthy people who get angry.

Which tells you everything you need to know.

Hellraiser Was Actually About Boundaries (Sort Of)

Let’s talk about Hellraiser.

Because beneath all the hooks and leather and deeply questionable interior design…

it’s a story about consequences.

Frank opens the box.
Frank ignores warnings.
Frank crosses lines.

And then acts absolutely shocked when the Cenobites show up.

Mate.

You invited them.

The same thing happens in our lives.

You:

• ignore red flags

• keep giving second chances

• answer texts from people who only contact you when they need something

• become everyone’s unpaid therapist

• say: “It’s fine.” when it very much is not fine.

Then one day you wake up emotionally exhausted and wonder:

How did I get here?

Simple.

You opened the box.

Repeatedly.

You Teach People What You’ll Tolerate

Here’s the uncomfortable truth.

People learn your boundaries by watching what you tolerate.

Not what you say.

What you allow.

If someone:

interrupts you… and you say nothing… they learn: Interrupting is allowed.

If someone:

shows up an hour late… and you laugh it off… they learn: Your time isn’t valuable.

If someone:

speaks to you disrespectfully… and you keep giving them access… they learn: You value their comfort more than your dignity.

Ouch.

I know.

But also… freeing.

Because it means you can teach them something different.

Why Nice People End Up in Horror Movies

Here’s a pattern I wish somebody had told me sooner…

The people most likely to have weak boundaries?

Are usually the nicest people in the room.

The helpers.
The peacemakers.
The ones who say: “It’s okay.” when it isn’t.
“Don’t worry about me.” while quietly falling apart.
“I don’t want to make a fuss.” while carrying enough resentment to fuel a revenge movie.

You learned early that being liked was safer than being honest.

Maybe you grew up around explosive personalities.
Maybe love felt conditional.
Maybe being “easy” got rewarded while having needs got punished.

So you adapted.

You became agreeable.
Accommodating.
Low maintenance.

You became so good at keeping everyone comfortable… you forgot to ask if you were comfortable.

And let me tell you:

The world will happily take as much from you as you’re willing to give.

Not because everyone is evil.
Not because humanity is doomed.

Because most people accept the rules you hand them.

If your rule is: “My needs come last.” they’ll believe you.
If your rule is: “My time isn’t important.” they’ll believe that too.

Which is why boundaries aren’t selfish.

They’re corrective lenses.

They help people see your worth clearly.

The Lost Boys and Emotional Vampires

You know what’s funny?

People talk about vampires like they’re sexy.

They’re not.

They’re exhausting.

The vampires in The Lost Boys are charming. Fun. Magnetic.

Until they’re not.

Then suddenly:

• they’re taking more than they give

• making chaos look exciting

• pulling everyone into their drama

Sound familiar?

We’ve all met people like this.

The friend who only calls in crisis.
The relative who leaves you emotionally hungover.
The coworker who turns every conversation into a hostage negotiation.

And because you’re kind… you keep giving.

Until one day: you’re drained.

And they’re thriving.

Which is when you realise:

Empathy without boundaries is self-destruction.

The Guilt Trip Is Part of the Test

Let’s say you finally do it.

You speak up. You say: “No.”

You ask for:

• respect

• space

• consideration

A funny thing happens.

Some people… lose their minds.

They say:

• “You’ve changed.”

• You’re selfish.

• You’re overreacting.

• You used to be so easygoing.

Translation: You used to be easier to control.

That’s not criticism.

That’s evidence.

People who benefited from your lack of boundaries often take your boundaries personally.

Because suddenly… their access to you has limits.

The Invisible Tax of Being Too Available

Nobody talks enough about this.

The exhaustion.

Not physical exhaustion.

Soul exhaustion.

The kind that creeps in slowly.

You answer every text.
Solve everyone’s problems.
Say yes to things you don’t want to do.
Show up when you’re drained.
Smile when you’re angry.
Laugh when you’re hurt.

And then one day… you wake up and realise: You don’t actually know what you want anymore.

You’ve become so responsive to everybody else’s needs… that you’ve disappeared from your own life.

Which is horrifying.

Not Saw horrifying.

More like The Invisible Man horrifying.

Because that’s exactly what happens.

You become invisible.

Not to other people.

To yourself.

Your preferences disappear.
Your opinions soften.
Your dreams become “maybe one day.”
Your anger becomes guilt.
Your exhaustion becomes normal.

And if that sentence hit a nerve:

Good.

That’s your nervous system filing a complaint.

Listen to it.

Gremlins Explained Boundaries Perfectly

Honestly?

Gremlins might be the greatest boundary movie ever made.

The rules are simple:

• Don’t expose them to bright light.

• Don’t get them wet.

• And whatever you do… DON’T FEED THEM AFTER MIDNIGHT.

Easy.

Everyone knows the rules.

Then somebody breaks them.

Chaos.

Every single time.

Your boundaries are exactly the same.

If you make exceptions constantly:

• just this once

• it’s not a big deal

• I don’t want to upset them

…you don’t have boundaries.

You have suggestions.

And people treat suggestions accordingly.

Red Flags Are Invitations to Pay Attention

Let’s talk about something uncomfortable.

Most people don’t ignore red flags because they can’t see them.

They ignore them because:

• they want to be liked

• they don’t want conflict

• they think they’re being kind

• they believe love means endless patience

Spoiler: It doesn’t.

Look at The Invitation.

The tension builds for the entire film.

Everyone senses something is wrong.

But nobody wants to be rude.
Nobody wants to make a scene.
Nobody wants to trust their instincts.

And that’s how people end up drinking poisoned wine at creepy dinner parties.

Metaphorically.

Usually.

Your instincts exist for a reason.

Trust them.

Boundaries Reveal Who People Really Are

One of the weirdest things about setting boundaries?

You discover who was benefiting from you having none.

And honestly?

It’s awkward.

You say: “I can’t do that.”

And suddenly somebody acts like you’ve burned their house down.

You ask for:

• respect

• space

• consistency

• basic human decency

…and watch a fully grown adult throw an emotional tantrum.

Fascinating.

Terrifying.

Occasionally Oscar-worthy.

Here’s the thing:

Healthy people adjust.
Unhealthy people negotiate.
Manipulative people get offended.

And people who genuinely care about you?

They might need time.
They might make mistakes.
But they won’t punish you for protecting yourself.

Because love without respect isn’t love.

It’s possession.

And that’s less rom-com… more Misery.

You remember Misery, right?

Poor Paul Sheldon. Kidnapped. Drugged. Held captive by his “biggest fan.”

Now obviously I’m not saying your clingy friend is going to smash your ankles with a sledgehammer.

Probably.

But Annie Wilkes teaches us something important:

Some people love access to you… more than they love you.

And boundaries expose the difference.

Raising Your Standards Changes Everything

When you raise your standards… you lose people.

This is normal.

Necessary, even.

Some relationships survive your boundaries.

Some don’t.

And honestly? If somebody only likes the version of you that:

• never says no

• never has needs

• never asks for respect

• never inconveniences them

…they don’t like you.

They like your compliance.

That’s not love.

That’s customer service.

And baby… you’re off the clock.

The People Who Stay Are Gold

Here’s the beautiful part nobody talks about.

When you stop tolerating nonsense… you make room for people who don’t offer it.

The people who stay:

• respect your no

• celebrate your growth

• apologise when they hurt you

• want to understand you

• don’t punish you for protecting your peace

These people exist.

They’re not unicorns.

They’re just harder to find when your life is crowded with emotional vampires.

The Final Girl Has Boundaries

Let’s talk about the Final Girl.

The woman who survives every horror movie.

People think she survives because:

• she’s lucky

• she’s smart

• she runs fast

Nah.

The Final Girl survives because at some point… she stops negotiating with the monster.

She stops explaining herself.
Stops hoping it’ll change.
Stops giving it another chance.
She recognises the threat.
Acts accordingly.
And survives.

There’s something beautiful about that.

Because boundaries aren’t mean.

They’re survival skills.

Not everybody deserves:

• your energy

• your forgiveness

• your emotional labour

• your endless understanding

Some people are lessons.

Some people are seasons.

And some people? Are cautionary tales.

You don’t owe unlimited access to people simply because:

• you’ve known them a long time

• you’re related

• you used to love them

• they’re struggling

You can have compassion… without becoming collateral damage.

And if somebody calls you selfish for protecting your peace?

Smile politely.

Lock the door.

And continue being the hero of your own damn movie.

Write Your Own Rules

Here’s the bottom line…

You can’t control:

• how people behave

• what they think

• whether they approve of you

But you can control:

• who gets access to you

• what behaviour you tolerate

• how often you abandon yourself to keep the peace

And honestly? That’s a hell of a lot of power.

So stop auditioning for supporting roles in other people’s dramas.

Stop acting like being easy to love is more important than loving yourself.

Pick up the pen.

Set the rules.

Change the locks if you have to.

Because your boundaries?

They’re not walls.
They’re not punishments.
They’re not selfish.
They’re the rules for entering your haunted house.

And hun —

not everybody gets a key.

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Protecting your peace isn’t selfish. But if your brain still sounds the alarm every time you say no… I made something for that. This Is Not an Emergency: A darkly comforting guide for people whose nervous systems mistake guilt, conflict and other people’s expectations for life-or-death situations.

Because not every text needs an immediate reply. Not every mood is yours to fix. And not everybody deserves unlimited access to you. Sometimes the bravest thing you can say is: No. And survive it.

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