Why Dracula Would Make A Terrible Roomate (And What He Can Teach You About Toxic Energy)

Colour / Reading Time 5 1/2 mins Approx

Dracula might seem like a gothic dreamboat, but as a roommate, he’s one fang away from being your worst nightmare.

Let’s set the scene: you’ve finally found a place in this hellish rental market. A charming gothic flat. Decent rent. High ceilings. Creepy castle vibes included. Your new roommate? Count Dracula.

At first, he seems like a dream — mysterious, well-dressed, apparently very low utility usage (he’s never home during the day). But then… the red flags start to show. Literally.

And that, my friend, is when you learn the most important horror-motivational lesson of them all: who you let share your space — mentally, emotionally, physically — can make or break your entire existence.

1. He’s Never Around When You Need Him (and Always There When You Don’t)

Dracula keeps odd hours. Need help moving the couch? He’s “sleeping.” Want to discuss bills? He’s mysteriously absent — sunlight, you know. But come midnight, when you’re desperately trying to get some rest before an early meeting, he’s there… looming in the hallway, cape fluttering, eyes glinting like an unpaid debt.

You’ll be crawling into bed at 11 PM, and that’s when Dracula starts brewing his “evening coffee.” Forget peaceful nights; expect a symphony of creaking floorboards, fluttering bats, and suspicious coffin lid sounds.

Lesson: Toxic energy people often show up only on their terms, never when it truly matters. Learn to spot those who disappear when there’s effort to be made but reappear when it’s time to drain your attention or energy.

2. His Diet? Strictly Liquid — and Unconsented

Nothing quite ruins a midnight snack like discovering your “roommate” has been treating your jugular like a juice box. The man has no boundaries. He takes what he wants, when he wants it, and leaves you feeling pale, exhausted, and strangely anemic.

Your fridge will never look the same. Gone are the days of oat milk and leftover pizza. Instead, it’s type O+, AB-, and mysterious red mason jars labeled “snack.” And no, he doesn’t do grocery runs.

Lesson: Emotional vampires exist in real life, too. They feed on your time, your enthusiasm, and your peace of mind without asking — and they rarely give anything back. Protect your energy like your lifeblood.

3. His Décor Is… Questionable

Candles melted down to nubs. Cobwebs that could sue for squatter’s rights. And let’s not even talk about the coffin in the living room — he calls it a “conversation piece.” Sure, Dracula has a certain aesthetic, but it’s one that makes Home Sweet Home feel more like Haunted House of Perpetual Unease.

Lesson: Your environment reflects the energy you allow in your life. Clutter, chaos, or constant reminders of someone else’s darkness can seep into your mindset. Curate your space with intention.

4. Zero Respect for Personal Boundaries

Classic Dracula rule: he needs to be invited in. But once you give that invite? He’s in your room, your diary, your snacks, your personal boundaries. Good luck getting him to leave.

Dracula doesn’t knock. He just… appears. Behind doors. In mirrors. Hovering over you while you sleep like a goth Alexa on overdrive. And when you bring it up? He smiles, fangs flashing, and says, “I thought you enjoyed my company.”

Lesson: Boundaries aren’t optional—they’re essential. People who ignore them are showing you they value their comfort over your well-being.

5. Every Night Is a House Party You Didn’t Ask For

You’re trying to binge-watch something cozy, and suddenly your living room is filled with bats, ominous organ music, and a few unlucky villagers in various states of hypnotherapy. Did he ask? Of course not. It’s always his show.

Planning a sunny brunch? Forget it. Dracula’s blackout curtains will turn your once-cheerful flat into a vampire bat cave. Hope you like vitamin D supplements.

Lesson: Energy vampires often dominate the atmosphere around them. Protect your downtime, your rest, and your right to a peaceful environment.

6. He’ll Charm Your Friends — and Then Ghost Them (Sometimes Literally)

Dracula has that dark charisma. He’ll swoop into your dinner party, captivate everyone with his old-world stories, then vanish at dawn… after leaving emotional carnage in his wake. Your friends are confused. You’re left to mop up the drama.

Bats. Wolves. Creepy guys with strange Eastern European accents who only visit at night. Your social circle? Ruined.

Think you have a say in whose turn it is to take out the trash? Wrong. Dracula has mastered the art of hypnosis. One minute you’re arguing, the next you’re apologising for him forgetting to do the dishes.

Lesson: Charisma is not the same as character. Beware of people who win crowds but leave individuals feeling drained, confused, or used.

7. He’s All About the Lease — but Never Pays Rent

Oh, he signed the lease alright — centuries of immortality taught him paperwork is powerful. But every time rent’s due, he disappears into a cloud of bats, muttering something about “ancient curses” and “financial institutions being a modern blight.”

He doesn’t sign leases — he signs pacts. And once you’re in, you’re in forever. Think twice before committing, unless you’re really into a lifetime (and afterlife) arrangement.

Lesson: Stop investing in people who don’t invest back. Emotional freeloaders take your effort without ever truly showing up for the shared responsibility.

8. Mirrors Are a Problem

Try doing your morning affirmations while your roommate is a blank space in the reflection behind you. It’s unsettling. It throws you off your game. And it makes you question whether your own sense of self is being distorted by proximity to someone who doesn’t even show up honestly.

Lesson: Relationships should reflect your best self, not erase it. If someone’s presence makes you feel invisible, they’re not the right reflection for your growth.

9. He Never Leaves

The lease is month-to-month, but Dracula? He’s immortal. That means he treats your shared space like a permanent coffin — no moving on, no moving out, no room for your growth. He’ll suck the life out of your future plans because his presence is… forever.

Eternal tenants aren’t exactly the landlord’s dream. Dracula never pays on time — he pays in ancient coins or ominous promises. Guess who’s left covering the rent?

Lesson: Don’t confuse longevity with loyalty. Just because someone stays doesn’t mean they’re good for your future.

10. And Worst of All… He Makes You Think It’s Normal

This is the most sinister part: after a while, the bats, the blood, the passive-aggressive haunting — it starts to feel routine. You convince yourself you can adapt. But that’s the real horror story: when your standards for peace, respect, and self-worth start to match someone else’s darkness.

Lesson: Familiarity is not comfort. Never get so used to toxic energy that you forget what a healthy, vibrant environment feels like.

So, What’s the Takeaway?

Living with Dracula is obviously a bad idea — unless your idea of self-care is sleeping with a garlic necklace and a cross under your pillow. But the bigger point here is this: energy vampires are everywhere. Some wear capes. Most don’t. And your home, your mind, your emotional landscape? That’s sacred ground.

Protect it. Curate it. Fortify it with boundaries sharper than a stake through the heart.

Because the real horror story isn’t the one where a vampire moves in. It’s the one where you let him stay.

Final Bite

Roommates can be a gamble, but Dracula? He’s a full-on curse. If your next flatmate shows up in a cape, refuses garlic bread, and insists on blackout curtains — run. Or at least charge him double for the bloodstains.

Look around your life — who (or what) is sucking your energy dry? Is it a “roommate” who overstays their welcome, a job that drains you, or even an old pattern you’ve outgrown? You don’t need garlic or holy water — just a clear decision: what you tolerate becomes your normal.

Kick out your Draculas. Reclaim your space. Shut the window, bolt the door, and for the love of all things unholy, set the thermostat to “chill” — because you’ve got better monsters to fight.

IN ODD WE TRUST Presents
A FIELD NOTES FROM THE DARK Production
Starring YOU, the protagonist in your own psychological thriller
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